So…now that the holiday season is officially over, I’ve got a few things to say about this supposed War on Christmas everyone is talking about.

For instance, it’s bogus. At first I thought that it was just the same kind of silliness that we had in the seventies when people got all up in arms about writing Xmas..People were screaming “don’t take the Christ out of Christmas!” back then, too. And I was with them then. Until I learned that X is a symbol of the cross, which is a symbol for Christ, making it a perfectly acceptable abbreviation.

But this is much bigger than that. At least it’s trying to be. At least the people freaking out about it are trying to stir it up to be something much, much bigger. One mentally challenged elected official has gone so far as to propose a law mandating the use of the actual phrase, “Merry Christmas” and making it illegal to use the phrase “Happy Holidays”. Apparently, this asshat is completely and blissfully unaware that 1) We have a constitutional right to freedom of religion and 2) that same article promises us the separation of church and state. I’d like to help him, but he probably doesn’t know what any of those words mean.

Beyond that, how the hell is anyone offended by the phrase “Happy Holidays”? Ok, so maybe if you’re Jehovah’s Witness and don’t celebrate ANY holidays. I’ll give you that. But even still, wouldn’t it still be ok to wish someone happiness, even on a holiday they don’t celebrate? I will accept that I may be missing something though, and that it could still be offensive for those who don’t believe in holidays at all. For everyone else though, seriously. Chill out.

When I was a kid, I interpreted the phrase “Happy Holidays” as an all-encompassing greeting to include all festivities between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day. It seemed like a shorthand for wishing someone good tidings during the entire holiday season. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I realized that it was also a nice, generic way to greet someone of unknown faith or traditions. It’s condescending, annoying, and offensive to assume that you know which holiday, if any at all, that random stranger (or even coworker) might celebrate. This scenario was expounded upon a few days ago by The Mother. It’s just ridiculous to assume that everyone celebrates the same as you do.

Happy Holidays is a perfectly nice way to greet someone, and acting as if it’s a terrorist act against your deeply cherished beliefs mocks our hard-fought freedom and scores of victims of actual religious persecution. Seriously, the audacity astounds me. Oh and by the way, have any of these people stopped to consider that the orginal meaning of the word ‘holiday’ is “holy-day“?

The other side of this story is that Christmas itself is a co-opted pagan celebration that got religion and then became predominantly secular again. I personally celebrate a secular Christmas, drawing on traditions from ancient times (evergreens and lights) as well as delightful icons of more recent origin (Charlie Brown, George Bailey, and Elf). I have just as much right to my celebration and traditions as observers of Christ’s birth (which, btw, probably occurred in Springtime) have to theirs.

So if the only choice is between celebrating your way or not celebrating at all, then I’ll find something else to do in December. I doubt I’m the only one who feels this way. If all of us pagans and secular observers stop celebrating Christmas, then there will be a decreased demand for decorations and holiday movies and tv specials. Restaurants, stores, and movie theatres will be open. Other businesses will be open, and people will no longer have the day off at all. Christmas will fade into a sweet little church service once a year for the faithful. And it won’t be Happy Holidays that killed Christmas as we know it, it will be your petty, pious, asshattery.

Fortunately, there is a third option. I, and others like me, will continue to sing Christmas tunes, watch Christmas movies, feast with our families, and wish each other Happy Holidays. Adapt or perish.